Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Always A Friend

EN: This poem is a retrospective of my experiences, memories, and my opinions, originally started in approximately 2006 and completed in 2020. Always A Friend takes place at a time when I was an ambitious punk rocker, artist, fashion designer, with a massive 30 centimeters tall nuclear red mohawk, who worked in commodities trade. At that time I was rebelling against my gender, my identity, and had completely stopped performing within the Chicago drag scene. Reflecting on past journal entries; the tension of the past mirrors the minx desperately living to be loved today.

ES: Este poema es una retrospectiva de mis experiencias, recuerdos y mis opiniones que empezaron a formarse aproximadamente en el año 2006 y concluyeron en el 2020. Always A Friend (Siempre Un Amigo) ocurre en un momento de mi vida cuando yo era un ambicioso punk rocker, artista, diseñador de moda, con un enorme mohawk rojo nuclear de 30 centímetros de altura, que trabajaba en el cambio de bolsa. En ese momento me estaba rebelando contra mi género, mi identidad, y había dejado de actuar por completo en la escena drag de Chicago. Reflexionando sobre entradas de diario del pasado; la tensión de ese pasado refleja una versión de la coqueta que vive desesperadamente para ser amada hoy.


FR: Ce poème est une rétrospective de mes expériences, de mes souvenirs et de mes opinions, qui a débuté vers 2006 et s'est achevée en 2020. Toujours un ami, jamais un amant se déroule à une époque où j'étais un punk rocker ambitieux, un artiste, un créateur de mode, avec une crête rouge vif de 30 centimètres de haut, qui travaillait dans le commerce des matières premières. A cette époque, je me rebellais contre mon genre, mon identité, et j'avais complètement arrêté de me produire dans le milieu en tant que drag queen à Chicago. En réfléchissant aux pages écrites dans mon journal intime, la tension du passé reflète le désir qui vit désespérément en moi d'être aimée aujourd'hui.


Always A Friend


Kelly green, market freedom, and a splash of coke,
Your friendship sits next to me radiant and nurturing,
Laughing, holding hands, balancing his bike-we see rainbows in disguise,
The things we never say harvest our emotions like a specter in the Fall,
Was Cere’s last call conspiring on our behalf.


Our subway ride felt like we went from one end of the world to the other,
I feel heartache at Division and Damen-never love,
In your arms, my body is overflowing with loneliness bribed by your delight,
I smell the tobacco on your fingers as I move to lick the whiskey off your lips,
Your kisses’ passion threw me into weakness,
I hate myself.
I love myself.
I can’t decide.
I let him take charge.


He took my body home but my soul was left behind,
I kiss your toes and bite your body,
The fear of rejection haunts me to bite harder,
My darkest desires become your greatest pleasure,
The courage I feel feeds his strength to choke me with my past,
Unbound electricity, 
You leave your love inside me as I blackout from my emotions.


I open my eyes,
Respect for my time,
Respect for me left like the smell of tobacco and whiskey,
I cross Damen and Division to echo my path,
My heartache walks with me,
Always filling the space of my lovers’ taunt.

By George Melichar

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